Until then....

I miss my Mommy.......why should today be any different but it is.  I can't stop crying or get rid of the feeling that I need to go get her and bring her home. But I can't and in my head I know it but my heart will not concede the fact that she is not here. I go into her bedroom and see all of the paperbacks that she obsessively collected. I really should start cleaning these things out but that would be admitting that she is gone.  She will be upset when she comes home and her books are gone. Even trying to recycle one with pages falling out and the cover missing would be too hard for her. So what do I do now? I have so much to be thankful for, I know that, but I miss my Mommy and it overshadows everything else in my live. Maybe I will use those precious books. What if I tore the covers off and cut them up and somehow created a tribute to my Mom?  A portrait made from the colors of stories read so many times that she didn't have to read the words.  Love stories of fictitious names.  Tragedies even greater than mine.  A physical presence.....something to hold on to......until I can do it.....until I can finally let go.